I think I've been lost...

****Here's my disclaimer: I spell check half-heartedly, and I don't proofread! So take it our leave it... some times my fingers work faster than my head! ;o)****

I've been feeling a bit under the weather the past few days... for reasons that are rather complicated and I'd rather not go into in great detail... But I was checking out the blogs I like to read and then I started looking back through mine a bit...

It occurred to me that I was doing much better when I was keeping my gratitude journal on my blog! It was keeping me accountable for my own happiness! Not that I am unhappy, but happier is never a BAD thing!!!

I must also note, that I do feel much better today! Of course that could have something to do with feeling some relief since my Mom arrived to help hold down the fort while I get my wellness all "weller'! (cute! I love made up words!)

***aside *** Speaking of made up words... My Friend Lacey commented on my FB the other day, when I said I was feeling like Poop that she hoped I felt less "poop-ish" very soon! That really made my day! Put a big smile on my face! Sometimes it is little things like that, that can really make a difference in someones day! Anyway, I'm Glad I'm not the only word-maker-upper! And thanks to Lacey for the free smile! It was worth a million!!! ;o) ***end aside***

So as I was looking back through my blog, I realized that I had lost accountability for my gratitude and my blog in general. Blogging does something for my soul! I like putting my thought and feelings out there for other to read. I like interacting with people who are going through the same things I am.

And you know what!!!!! SOMETIMES, I might write things that are only of interest to me, but that is okay! Because if they were on my heart either as a burden or a joy, then they were worth sharing! In accordance with my wellness! I need to let it out! Release it into the wild of cyberspace and let my heart feel better! I need to be WELL!!!! WELLER even!!! LOL!!!

So I've decided that if I have a cheesy online something or other that I just want to put out there, then I will!!!! And I am going to put a lot more effort into blogging my gratitude more often! I'm going to start modest and say twice a week, but I really do need to do it every day... I think part of my problem before was that I never want to say the same thing twice, but who cares if I'm grateful for the same thing twice a week! It's mine to be grateful for and if I feel the need to list it twice maybe there is a reason for it!!! You know like at greater power in the universe trying to point something out to me or something...

Here I go then.... Things I am GRATEFUL FOR:

• My Mom being able to come down and help me out with the kiddos this weekend, so I can get a little rest with less guilt!
• My Husband for being such a hard worker, to not only give our family the things that we need but the things that we want as well!
• The wonderful vacation to Destin we just got back from! The beach was PERFECT!!!!
• Emma being such a GREAT big sister and helping me!
• Emma for always being honest with me, and sincerely caring for my health and well being!
• The Blend radio station on Sirius XM!!!!
• My Nespresso Machine and the delicious coffee it provides me with!
• Hazelnut Creamer!!! I use so much I don't even have to add any sweetener!!!
• Finding Great friends and Family on FB!
• My Mom!!!! for just being my Mom! I'm so glad I have her and I love her very much!!!

Okay... so see that wasn't so hard... I didn't even have to think, in order to come up with any... as a matter of fact I probably could go on and on at the moment! Let us all remember that life is GOOD! Each day is a Gift that should be cherished!!

Jon & Kate

I am so saddened by last night's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8.  It seems so apparent to me that Jon was just done... and that Kate was heartbroken.  Even when people behave poorly, that doesn't mean they aren't hurt when things go south.

Kate isn't perfect... Everyone seems to be attacking her... How far is that?  I know I'm not always proud of the way I behave towards my husband. (there are not any cameras following me around, editing me to show all my worst attributes) But Cameron and I talk about it and work through it... and sometimes, I do the EXACT same thing again.  and I have to be reminded that my poor behavior is not appreciated and does not demonstrate the respect I truly have for him.

I know that if I were approached with the opportunity to have someone pay me $75,000 or more and episode to come in and film my life, and there were freebies on top of that, I would jump on it in a heartbeat!  Giving my children an even better life than I can give them now!  How awesome would have be!?!?!?!!!

I would love to take my kids to Hawaii, Disney World, California, and wherever else JK8 have been, but I can't.  We don't have the money to take extravagant vacations (or any vacation for that matter) with one salary.  And having one salary is a choice Cameron and I made together because we want our children to have the best life we can give them, and we feel that being raised by a parent at home is one way to provide that for them.

And if I could make my girl's lives better by letting cameras see me at my worst! (God forbid, I'd have no friends...) I'd do it.  Because I know that I'm not the only wife out there who has "moments" and "failures." 

There's not a manual for life, marriage, or raising children... and if there were, I probably wouldn't agree or abide by it anyway... no two families are alike.  ANd what works for one may not work for the next.  And JK8 are any even more special, rare case than the standard family of four.  I know they have a lot of fans, but it breaks my heart to read so many people saying so many hateful things about Kate.  They don't even know her.... and neither do I, but I know she has admitted that she is not perfect, and I know I am not prefect, and I know that YOU are NOT prefect...  And let us not forget that we are not the ones to judge in the first place.

If you don't like Kate or the show, then don't watch... It's that simple!  It's like you want to feed your soul with anger by watching a show that aggravates you... It makes no sense at all!  STOP WATCHING if you don't like what you are seeing.

aaarrrrgggg..... I just don't even know.... I'm so mad and upset... Cameron thinks I am being stupid about all of this, and that it is just a TV show and that they are not "real."  We even got into a fight about it last night... how pathetic is that!  But they are REAL!!! 

They are as real as what is edited for us to see. That is really their house.   Those are really their dogs.  Those are really their kids.  That is really their Big Blue Van.  Kate was really filling piñatas for the sextuplet's party.  The kiddos were really having lunch and watching TV...  All of those things are REAL!  

AND most importantly Jon and Kate are REALLY going through something very difficult.  Kate's tears were real.  and so what that she said she didn't want to ruin her make-up... I can only imagine how many tears she has cried... she's probably tired of crying and ruining her make-up... She obviously does not care about make-up they were filming an entire scene where she had NONE on at all...

Jon seemed so COMPLETELY indifferent to everything...  Like he didn't give two cares about what he has been accused of.... I did not feel any sincerety from him at all... and the part were Kate said "[she] was here," and then he said, "I'm here for my kids..."  I wanted to...well I probably shouldn't say mean things like that on my blog.... but I was not happy, to say the least. 

And here it is 17 hours after the show aired last night and I am still feeling the emotions it caused...  I need to move on to something else.. I'm sure I could ramble on about this forever....

Please help them work this out.  Please let Jon GROW UP and become a MATURE and RESPONSIBLE **MAN** for his wife and his children.  Because he was right about one thing last night... his kids ARE going to google him one day, and they will find out... and they will NEVER believe a word he says again.  ACTIONS speak clearly... and he has plenty of ACTIONS speaking for him!

~MORE POSITIVE NOTE~

Things I am grateful for today:

• my blood not being too thin!
  
• Elliot sleeping late this morning!
  
• Elliot's Nap time, (so I could blog)
  
• My husband's love and support in my life's journey. (it is always taking us down an unknown road)
  
• Emma's good grades at school and her loving nature towards all things / beings on the Earth.
  
• Luka's new haircut!  She's so soft right after she's groomed!
  
• This beautiful day that has been given to us to enjoy.
  
• NAPS!!!!!
  

Bad few days...

Ugh.... I have been having a really bad few days.  I just haven't been feeling 100%, and unfortunately it has shown in some of my actions and words.  I have been trying very hard over the past few months to become a better / nicer person.  I have actually been doing a really great job.  (if I may say so myself)  But the past week or so seem to have gotten the best of me and I really need to work it out, so I can get back on track.

I talked to Sandra (my doctor) today and was able to attain some clarity, as to why me behavior may be a little haywire.  She reminded me that sometimes when someone has OCD, like me, and is faced with a situation that is out of her control, sometimes she will lose her ability to maintain calm, rational thought processes. 

Well let me tell you... the situation I have been dealing with the past couple of weeks is definitely 100% OUT of my CONTROL.  Which really IS fine with me, because I know that my husband will take care of the situation in a way that is best for our family, but ultimately the decisions, actions, and consequences do affect my children and myself.  I just need to remember that I trust my husband whole heartedly, and that he only has my and our families best interests at heart.

I have really been slacking in my blogging, and this blog really helps me stay accountable for my mental health.  I think I  need to acknowledge that I have been feeling a little worse, since I have not been maintaining it the way I have intended to.  With that said, I am hoping to get of on the right foot again and continue to work on making positive changes in my life.  Most importantly for ME!!! But also for my family!!!

Things I'm grateful for:

• Dr. Davis
  
• My desire to be healthy
  
• clarity on my journey
  
• Tiffany (you strangely understand me and are kind to me, even when I do NOT deserve it)
  
• Breathing techniques
  
• My Mom being here with me this weekend, and ALWAYS being at the other end of the phone no matter the time or the reason!
  
• The softness only the Luka Luke can bring
  
• My husband for loving me so unconditionally, even when I am having moments I am not proud of!  And for understanding or at least trying to understand what I am going through!  Thank you, baby!!!

Been Busy... How About You?!?!?!

Wow, the past few days have been so busy.  I really dislike it when I feel as though I've been running around like a chicken with her head cut off! (I so love clichés!)  I'm finally having some time today to catch up on everything and collect my thoughts.  

We had a great Easter!  Elliot did such a good job.  I as really impressed!  She found a few eggs and actually put them in a her little basket.  We actually got some good weather in the afternoon, and were able to go outside and hunt eggs.  It was a little wet, but not too muddy at all!  Emma was great too, as usual!  She is such a good big sister, and so understanding of Elliot's need to have more of our attention.  I think it may have had something to do with the eggs that had money in them, but one can never be certain! LOL!!!  

We also celebrated Easter weekend with Cameron's Great Uncle Frank and Great Aunt Caroline.  It is always such a pleasure to spend time with them.  They both share their wealth of knowledge about our family, it's history, and the "old times" in general.  

I learned awhile back that, it is such a small world.  The Huggins' family has a home in Zephyr, Texas.  (They refer to it as "the place.")  The nearest "large" town to 'the place' in Brownwood, Texas, which is also the "largest" town near my Grandma Carol's home in Voss, Texas.  When I would go to stay with her in the summers when I was a young girl, we would always take a trip to Brownwood and we always had lunch at Underwood's (they have the BEST chicken fried steak ever!!!).  I mentioned my summer trips to Frank and he said he and his family loved Underwood's too and would go there often.  How cool is that!?!?  And then I got to hear about all kinds of stories from back in the old days about Brownwood.  It really was awesome.  We are so lucky to have older relatives to share their lives with us!

Sunday night we had to finish Emma's Picasso project for Quest at School.  I was very diligant this time about her project and made her work on it well before the due date. (instead of waiting until the last minute like I so often do!)  But we still had a million things to finish last minute.   We finally got it done though and it looked awesome.  I'll post some pictures after we go to Quest Open House for her presentation.  She also made a powerpoint presentation for this project!  Pretty impressive, huh?!?!?

I spent most of yesterday shopping in Fort Worth, which I typically love to do, but I was on the hunt for long-sleeved black t-shirts with NO LOGO!!!  Hello.... it's spring, no one has long -sleeves anymore!  But Cameron is in Tac School for the next two weeks and he had to have long-sleeved black t-shirts to wear for the class, so I was on the hunt!!!!  I was able to find two.  One large and one medium.   Fortunately the medium fit, hopefully it will not shrink when it is washed!!!!

So, I guess that brings us to today, and I've been having a great day so far!  Elliot is being an excellent baby, (aside from putting, yet another roll of toilet paper into the toilet!)  And I've gotten quite a few things accomplished!  Yay ME!!!!

Things I'm grateful for:

• Great Uncle Frank & Great Aunt Caroline
  
• Facebook connection
  
• Elliot being such a good baby when I have things to do!
  
• Emma's Picasso project being completed.
  
• Finding long-sleeved back t-shirts for Cameron.
  
• Delicious Steaks!!!!!
  
• Hazelnut chocolate bars (with whole nuts!)
  
• Cameron being home for dinner every night for the next two weeks!!!
  
• PSA Essentials Stamps & note cards
  
• Tiffany for gifting me my first PSA Essentials stamp set!
  
• Central Market (wish there was one in Weatherford)
  
• Green Bags (not because I'm green, but because they hold so much stuff and it make carrying things in ten times easier!!!!)
  
• Friendly, helpful cashiers and employees at stores
  
• Clichés ( I just think they are fun to use!)
  
• This beautiful day and my beautiful birds!!!
  

5 for yesterday, 5 for today...

Things I'm grateful for:

• VistaPrints
  
• Our super-nice mail lady.
  
• Free Wi-Fi at the Park.
  
• The Public Library
  
• Beautiful Days like today
  
• The express line at Wal-Mart!!!
  
• Yesterday's Bread(it's a restaurant)
  
• The fun Shops on the Square in Weatherford
  
• My super handy Husband! (great for all my "honey-dos")
  
• Elliot's naptime!!!!
  

Oh Yes... It's True...

I'm sad to say that I spent way too much time playing Guitar Hero again.  It's so addictive.  Emma didn't play tonight.  She had a Picaso project to work on for Quest, so it was just me. I think that makes it even sadder. LOL!

I went to lunch with my sisters-in-law (Tiffany & Sarah) today at Chuy's in Dallas.  I don't know what I was thinking... Don't get me wrong I love my sisters-in-law, and it has nothing to do with them.  It's just that I HATE driving in Dallas.  I think I've literally done it a total 5 or so times in the past eight years we have lived in the Metroplex.

Every time I have a panic attack in the car and to top it off, this time, I had Elliot with me.  Holy Cow!!!  And I always get lost trying to get home.  How in the heck does that happen????  So, as I'm sure you have surmised, I made it "out" safely and am home enjoying the internet, as usual!

I think this time was a little less chaotic because I had the sat-nav in the truck.  I love that thing.  And it was incredibly accurate in Dallas.  Sometimes in smaller areas it doesn't have all of the latest updates.  It was very easy to follow the directions, although the five million lane switch overs to make your exit weren't as easy!

Of course, lunch was worth it because I got to see my two favorite sisters-in-law, not to mention do a little shopping! (always a plus!)  The food was tasty and I got to have a heart attack due to a car jumping the curb and making me think it was coming straight for us!  Wish I could have had a margarita, but you know the whole drink and drive thing... and the whole responsibility for a minor child thing... LOL!  Maybe next time!

All in all , it was a busy, good day! 

So many things to be grateful for... but here are just five:

• Watching the calves play in the pasture across the road.
  
• Great sisters-in-law!
  
• SAT-NAV!!!!!!
  
• Stores having exactly what you were looking for!!!
  
• Cute little yorkies that love to cuddle next to your head in bed!
  

Guitar Hero = Quality Time????

For some reason it feels like it has been a really long day.  Probably because I spent the day cleaning the shutters in our house... What a pain in the posterior!  They were so dusty though and I have been putting it off for too long!

Emma and I just finished playing Guitar Hero for like two hours... My arms hurt!  Just goes to show how out of shape I am!  My arms have always been weak though.  Anyway, this was a major treat for Emma because we do not allow her to spend long periods of time on the wii, computer, or in front of the T.V.  I guess we have to cut her some slack every once in awhile.

I spent all of my days playing video games or talking on the phone for hours on end.  I haven't turned out to be a bad person, but I could definitely have benefited form parents who were more diligent about me being active and playing outside or participating in sports.

Funny how I parent so opposite of the way my Mom parented me...

Five things I'm grateful for:

• Being able to return something, because you changed your mind about it! (and still having the receipt!)
  
• My husband's patience.
  
• Controlling my hunger, even if it is only for a moment!
  
• Air conditioning.
  
• PSA essentials stamps & stationary.
  

Teeth & Cuddles

I've been feeling kinda blah the past couple of days... I really hate that feeling.  I'm feeling better today though, and I plan on making the most of my productive mood!  Elliot is starting to cut some of her back teeth.  She has been drooling like crazy.  I'd like to say its cute, but its really not! LOL!  She's also been being a big "Momma's girl."  99.9% of the time you will not hear any complaints from me about this, unless I'm trying to use the restroom or cook dinner. (those are two things that are really hard to do while holding your 25 lbs. baby!)  I know I was probably over reacting, but I called the doctor to see if her new behaviors were a result of the teething.  

Our Doctor's office is great and they never make you feel silly for calling with any kind of question.  The nurse told me not to worry, and it was more than likely teething, causing the drooling and the low grade temp.   That made me feel tons better.  I guess I just needed a little reassurance!

Now regarding the new "Momma's girl" attitude she has adopted, the nurse said that babies often want to be cuddled when they are not feeling well.  This I completely understand, but I worry that she will start to want to be held all of the time, something I just don't have time to do all day, every day.  Yet, at the same time, how can you pass up precious cuddles with your sweet baby.  So, I suppose I'll do what I always do in these situations... go with my heart.  And I can already tell you what my heart is going to say... CUDDLES all the way!

Five things I'm grateful for today:

• Cameron having the day off.
  
• The beautiful weather this afternoon, after a chilly morning.
  
• Our nice mail lady.
  
• Elliot enjoying playing in the back with the dogs.
  
• The view from my office window! (I know this makes 6, but I do love that thing!)
  
• My Nespreso machine!!!! 
  

Grateful (five things)

• My husband filling my truck up with gas!
  
• Having one more carton of milk when you were sure you were out!
  
• Roses that stay beautiful for over a week.
  
• My family having a meal together.
  
• WingStop!!!!
  

Five Things (grateful)

• Someone else making a home cooked meal!  Especially breakfast!
  
• Great cuddle time with my girls.
  
• Naps in the middle of the day, when someone else is helping out at home!
  
• Cameron helping me put away the laundry!  YAY!!!
  
• Contacts
  

Grateful (five things)

• Tylenol
  
• Heating pads
  
• Safe Journeys
  
• Chili cheese fries, that taste exactly the way you were craving!
  
• Fast internet service!!!
  

For now... Five things...

• My new friends at MOPS.
  
• Getting a new stroller for Elliot!
  
• Not mowing the grass, so I can see the wild flowers.
  
• Nap time
  
• Allergy Medication!!!!
  

These were yesterday's, but life happened and I never hit publish... funny how that works! 

Even though I didn't publish this until today, it saved it for the 3rd...  It knew what I was trying to do!

Started in 2007 Waited until 2009 to make my first post.... that's just sad...

So here I go... Like I do not have enough stuff to do... But I've been wanting to blog for awhile, for those family and friends that do not MySpace or FaceBook.  Not that I know a lot of people, but hey, maybe I'll collect a following.  I also thought this would be a good place to keep track of the 5 things I'm grateful for everyday.  I've been journaling them, but I think acknowledging them openly; will make me accountable for them and hopefully encourage others to think of the things they are grateful for as well!  Sometimes the things I am grateful for are small, but other times they may be significant... Often, when Emma gets out of school in the afternoon, she'll ask me what I was grateful for that day.  It puts a smile on my face to know that she is interested in my personal ventures!  So my "Gratitude List" has only one rule.  I cannot say my kiddos, because that is too easy!  

Here is my list for today: 

• The beautiful woodpeckers at my bird feeder.
  
• My Nespresso Machine!
  
• My husband's hard work and dedication to our family.
  
• My neighbor Kim.
  
• Our Financial Security during this trying economic time!