So Many Things to be Grateful for, and I Never Mention the Most Important One...

I always try to mention all the little things that I feel like I take for granted when I give the things that I am grateful for here on my blog.  But sometimes, you really have to stop and think about the big things too.  So I'll start by saying that one of the very most important things I am grateful for is my LIFE!

I went to the E.R. this past Sunday...  I had been putting it off for a a few days, which was STUPID, but I guess I really didn't want to know "the truth."  I had been having a pain in my lower left calf for a few days, and it was progressively feeling worse. On Sunday I woke up and it was aching pretty bad and my toes were kinda tingly... Probably not a good sign.

You see there is this other thing about not going to the hospital... If I go to the hospital and nothing is wrong with me, than I look like a big idiot that always thinks there is something wrong with her... and then on the other side of the coin, if there is something wrong,*then* THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG.... that is scary in a different, more complex way...

Obviously, there was something wrong, or I wouldn't be writing this blog in  such a way, that makes me first and foremost thankful that I have my LIFE!... 

I have a blood disorder, Factor V Leiden.  It makes my blood too thick, it clots to easily.  The opposite of a hemophiliac, in a way.  I discovered that I had this disorder, which is a genetic mutation, in October 2002.  I had a blood clot in my brain.  Let me tell you... THAT WAS SCARY!!!!  Maybe, I'll tell that story another day, but for now, we'll stick with Sunday and my gratitude for my LIFE.

The blood clot in my brain was rare, and the fact that they found it before I had a stroke or a pulmonary embolism was virtually a miracle... Let's scratch the virtually, and just go with, IT WAS A MIRACLE!!!  

Most blood clots that cause a stroke or a pulmonary embolism, start as a DVT (deep vein thrombosis)  and in some cases you can have symptoms of the clot in your leg.  You'll have pain in your leg, your leg can feel warm, or there can be swelling, among other things... If you don't know to be aware of these things, especially, as a "healthy" 24 year old, you probably wouldn't give any of those symptoms a second thought even if you did have them.  

Well, if there was pain in my leg back in 2002, I was oblivious to it... But this past week, I wasn't oblivious, I was ignoring it... I didn't want to go to the emergency room, and there to be nothing wrong.  (Have you gotten an E.R. visit bill lately?  and we have pretty good insurance too!)  And I guess there was part of me that didn't want there to be anything wrong, and if you don't KNOW something is wrong, than NOTHING is wrong... I lie to myself... (did you know this about me?)

And... I should probably mention, too, that we had been planning our annual trip to Scarborough Faire, for last Saturday, and quite frankly, I didn't want to miss it, and I couldn't find another time in our calendar to reschedule it...  PATHETIC, huh????

So, I go to the E.R. and they do a sono of my leg and sure enough it has a ton of little clots in the superficial veins.  Not a DVT, but little blood clots, that for me are SERIOUS, because if they are forming there, that means my blood is too thick and they can form easily anywhere...

I took this whole thing pretty lightly, until today when I had my follow up visit with my brand spankin' new, shiny hematologist, Dr. Potluri.  She really laid down the law for me, and explained the seriousness of not going to the E.R. sooner.

Since my previous blood clot was in my brain, the hospital gave me a neurologist, Dr. Tesfa, I really like Dr. Tesfa, so I kept him on to manage my blood disorder.  Well, it appears, these speciality doctors, are just that, specialty doctors.  They emphasize their studies in one area, thus making them very knowledgeable in THEIR AREA (not other areas *i.e. brain not blood / blood not brain... get the idea?*)  

After speaking with Dr. Potluri today, I became aware that there are about a million more tests they need to run on my blood to find out exactly what "kind" of blood I have, so they can find the best course of action to treat me with.  And just so you know, when they need to run a million more tests that means they need a million viles of your blood.  I really could care less about getting my blood drawn beucase I had to have it drawn all the time when I was on blood thinners previously, but the thing that I do not understand is; Why do they need to draw so many individual viles, why can't they just take a bunch all at once and then divide it up the way they need to later after I'm gone????  (Just a funny / rhetorical question... I know why, but it really does seem ridicuolous!)

She already told me today, that I will need to be on blood thinner for the rest of my life.  Which means bi-monthly trips to the lab to get a blood draw to make sure my blood is not too thick or too thin... It also means, there is no such thing as an easy surgery for me.  When you are on blood thinners it's like all anesthesiologist go retarded on you.  They want fifty billion release forms from the everybody and anybody from Joe the plumber to God before they will treat you...  OH!!!! And it means I have to watch what I eat and ingest, in general, beucase there are tons of things that affect the thickness of your blood.  (like vitamin K, which is found in many foods, and vitamin suppliments) And the idea is to maintain a constant PT / INR level.

Urgh... I'm getting frustrated... can you tell??????

I've completely lost my train of thought... I hope that I haven't rambled too much.  I guess the point of what I am trying to say is that, I spent 11 hours Sunday in the E.R. because I thought I had a blood clot in my leg.  I do have blood clots in my leg.  I have/had not been taking my blood disorder seriously, and I need to start, RIGHT NOW!!!!  

I have a really great life, with beautiful children, I feel so very blessed to have, a magnificent husband, that treats me like a queen, and a Mom that would walk the world for me, not to mention all of my other GREAT family members.  I have countless things / reasons to live for.  I have so much to be grateful for.  So today, I'm not going to list a bunch of little things that I am grateful for, because there are plenty of those, and I can save them for another day.  Today I am going to be grateful for my LIFE, and I'm going to start living like I am grateful for my LIFE!!!  I am going to live intentionally, and not half-heatedly like I sometimes have in the past!

WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR??????

• MY LIFE
  

BSH

I love (not loved) love my mother-in-law more than just about anything in the world... As much as I love my own mother for sure! She was just the most amazing woman in the entire world. She is now wherever it was that she thought she was going to go when she died. Something like heaven, I believe, but a very loose interpretation that, which included reincarnation for those who did not learn all of life's lessons the first, second, third, or twentieth "life" around... LOL! I miss her more than I could ever tell you in words. She was my rock. She understood me even if she didn't understand, and she made me feel good about myself even if she thought I was not making the best choice. She was just one of those people that.... man... they just don't make them better than her. I love her, and I miss her, and I miss her, and I miss her... I MISS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been thinking about her a lot of the past few days. She was so very important to my life. She has been gone from us for over a year now, and it still hurts just as much as the moment I kissed her cold face goodbye for the last time. I always thought that people who built shrines to the dead were kinda silly, but now I completely understand. I never want to forget her. I never want her influence to stop guiding me. I want a place where I can go and remember her, and talk to her. really I just want her back. Something that I know I cannot have.

I watch Elliot in the morning sometimes and I think to myself, "Man, Mom really would enjoy this sweet little baby." And it breaks my heart that she is not here to share Elliot's life with us. I try to stay positive and be grateful for the little bit of time she did get to spend with Elliot. I know she cherished every moment. When her cancer started to make her weak and she no longer felt comfortable holding Elliot, I would go sit on the edge of the bed with the baby and sit her close to Beverly. She'd play with her little feet. It was about all she could do through the pain. So sad....

I could sit here all night and mope about not having her here with me, but that really wouldn't do a lot of good. I thought to right this blog because I was thinking of all the things I was grateful for that had to do with Beverly, so off I'll go:

• Beverly's unconditional love.
  
• Her acceptance of me no matter what my choices were
  
• Her beautiful warm smile.
  
• the fact that she rarely wore her hair in a ponytail.
  
• her work ethic
  
• always putting her children first, no matter what the cost
  
• Her love and complete acceptance of Emma as her own grandchild from the very moment Cameron and I met.
  
• Her love for Goodwill books
  
• Her willingness to help out in any situation
  
• Her ability to always tell me the truth, even if I didn't want to hear it, and finding just the right way to say it.
  
• the way she was always sitting in the exact same spot when we would drive up to visit when she lived at 909. Feet propped up on th coffee table, and reading a book. I can see it so clearly now....
  
• her love for me
  
• her compassion
  
• her sense of duty
  
• her loyalty
  
• her infectious, positive personality

And just for good measure, I'll mention that beautiful smile one more time! I hold it locked in my memory and near to my heart! I miss her so................

She was truly a blessing to this earth and I will continue to live glorifying her memory for all of my days!!!!!

Jimmy Buffett

Cameron and I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert this weekend with a few of his coworkers and their wives.  We had an absolutely, unbelievably good time!!!!  The music was great the atmosphere was electric, my husband made me feel like the most beautiful, perfect, amazing women there or on the face of the earth even...  It was really great.  I did a lot to recharge our love, not that it need recharging, but it definitely gave us a boost! 

Here's the funny thing... I always don't want to go when we have an event to attend.  The night before my mom came down because she was going to watch Elliot (Emma went camping with some friends!) for us while we were at the concert.  I was just going on and on to her about, how I didn't want to go, and blah, blah, blah, blah...  And on the way to the concert I was telling Cameron that I really wanted to just stay at the house with my Mom and spend time with her, because I never have uninterrupted time with my Mom, since Emma is always demanding all of her attention.

I don't know why I always feel this way.  I always have a good time when we go out, and Jimmy Buffett was above and beyond all expectations!  Live music really makes you feel so very alive!  And I had such a great time with Cameron.  It was on of those few nights that you wish would never end.

Thank you for all of my blessings.... Forever in your debt! 

Jimmy Buffett Gratitude:

• Esatlick for being so funny and always taking it over the line!!!!
  
• Davis for having it "under control" yeah right!!!!
  
• Kyna for making me feel accepted and part of the group.
  
• Audience participation songs
  
• Crazy people reminding me why I do not drink!!
  
• Oversized (and / or) Old women wearing (and / or) doing things that they shouldn't!  What a great laugh!
  
• Bad boob jobs to help me remember why I like being 100% Kristy!
  

Bad few days...

Ugh.... I have been having a really bad few days.  I just haven't been feeling 100%, and unfortunately it has shown in some of my actions and words.  I have been trying very hard over the past few months to become a better / nicer person.  I have actually been doing a really great job.  (if I may say so myself)  But the past week or so seem to have gotten the best of me and I really need to work it out, so I can get back on track.

I talked to Sandra (my doctor) today and was able to attain some clarity, as to why me behavior may be a little haywire.  She reminded me that sometimes when someone has OCD, like me, and is faced with a situation that is out of her control, sometimes she will lose her ability to maintain calm, rational thought processes. 

Well let me tell you... the situation I have been dealing with the past couple of weeks is definitely 100% OUT of my CONTROL.  Which really IS fine with me, because I know that my husband will take care of the situation in a way that is best for our family, but ultimately the decisions, actions, and consequences do affect my children and myself.  I just need to remember that I trust my husband whole heartedly, and that he only has my and our families best interests at heart.

I have really been slacking in my blogging, and this blog really helps me stay accountable for my mental health.  I think I  need to acknowledge that I have been feeling a little worse, since I have not been maintaining it the way I have intended to.  With that said, I am hoping to get of on the right foot again and continue to work on making positive changes in my life.  Most importantly for ME!!! But also for my family!!!

Things I'm grateful for:

• Dr. Davis
  
• My desire to be healthy
  
• clarity on my journey
  
• Tiffany (you strangely understand me and are kind to me, even when I do NOT deserve it)
  
• Breathing techniques
  
• My Mom being here with me this weekend, and ALWAYS being at the other end of the phone no matter the time or the reason!
  
• The softness only the Luka Luke can bring
  
• My husband for loving me so unconditionally, even when I am having moments I am not proud of!  And for understanding or at least trying to understand what I am going through!  Thank you, baby!!!

Been Busy... How About You?!?!?!

Wow, the past few days have been so busy.  I really dislike it when I feel as though I've been running around like a chicken with her head cut off! (I so love clichés!)  I'm finally having some time today to catch up on everything and collect my thoughts.  

We had a great Easter!  Elliot did such a good job.  I as really impressed!  She found a few eggs and actually put them in a her little basket.  We actually got some good weather in the afternoon, and were able to go outside and hunt eggs.  It was a little wet, but not too muddy at all!  Emma was great too, as usual!  She is such a good big sister, and so understanding of Elliot's need to have more of our attention.  I think it may have had something to do with the eggs that had money in them, but one can never be certain! LOL!!!  

We also celebrated Easter weekend with Cameron's Great Uncle Frank and Great Aunt Caroline.  It is always such a pleasure to spend time with them.  They both share their wealth of knowledge about our family, it's history, and the "old times" in general.  

I learned awhile back that, it is such a small world.  The Huggins' family has a home in Zephyr, Texas.  (They refer to it as "the place.")  The nearest "large" town to 'the place' in Brownwood, Texas, which is also the "largest" town near my Grandma Carol's home in Voss, Texas.  When I would go to stay with her in the summers when I was a young girl, we would always take a trip to Brownwood and we always had lunch at Underwood's (they have the BEST chicken fried steak ever!!!).  I mentioned my summer trips to Frank and he said he and his family loved Underwood's too and would go there often.  How cool is that!?!?  And then I got to hear about all kinds of stories from back in the old days about Brownwood.  It really was awesome.  We are so lucky to have older relatives to share their lives with us!

Sunday night we had to finish Emma's Picasso project for Quest at School.  I was very diligant this time about her project and made her work on it well before the due date. (instead of waiting until the last minute like I so often do!)  But we still had a million things to finish last minute.   We finally got it done though and it looked awesome.  I'll post some pictures after we go to Quest Open House for her presentation.  She also made a powerpoint presentation for this project!  Pretty impressive, huh?!?!?

I spent most of yesterday shopping in Fort Worth, which I typically love to do, but I was on the hunt for long-sleeved black t-shirts with NO LOGO!!!  Hello.... it's spring, no one has long -sleeves anymore!  But Cameron is in Tac School for the next two weeks and he had to have long-sleeved black t-shirts to wear for the class, so I was on the hunt!!!!  I was able to find two.  One large and one medium.   Fortunately the medium fit, hopefully it will not shrink when it is washed!!!!

So, I guess that brings us to today, and I've been having a great day so far!  Elliot is being an excellent baby, (aside from putting, yet another roll of toilet paper into the toilet!)  And I've gotten quite a few things accomplished!  Yay ME!!!!

Things I'm grateful for:

• Great Uncle Frank & Great Aunt Caroline
  
• Facebook connection
  
• Elliot being such a good baby when I have things to do!
  
• Emma's Picasso project being completed.
  
• Finding long-sleeved back t-shirts for Cameron.
  
• Delicious Steaks!!!!!
  
• Hazelnut chocolate bars (with whole nuts!)
  
• Cameron being home for dinner every night for the next two weeks!!!
  
• PSA Essentials Stamps & note cards
  
• Tiffany for gifting me my first PSA Essentials stamp set!
  
• Central Market (wish there was one in Weatherford)
  
• Green Bags (not because I'm green, but because they hold so much stuff and it make carrying things in ten times easier!!!!)
  
• Friendly, helpful cashiers and employees at stores
  
• Clichés ( I just think they are fun to use!)
  
• This beautiful day and my beautiful birds!!!
  

5 for yesterday, 5 for today...

Things I'm grateful for:

• VistaPrints
  
• Our super-nice mail lady.
  
• Free Wi-Fi at the Park.
  
• The Public Library
  
• Beautiful Days like today
  
• The express line at Wal-Mart!!!
  
• Yesterday's Bread(it's a restaurant)
  
• The fun Shops on the Square in Weatherford
  
• My super handy Husband! (great for all my "honey-dos")
  
• Elliot's naptime!!!!
  

Oh Yes... It's True...

I'm sad to say that I spent way too much time playing Guitar Hero again.  It's so addictive.  Emma didn't play tonight.  She had a Picaso project to work on for Quest, so it was just me. I think that makes it even sadder. LOL!

I went to lunch with my sisters-in-law (Tiffany & Sarah) today at Chuy's in Dallas.  I don't know what I was thinking... Don't get me wrong I love my sisters-in-law, and it has nothing to do with them.  It's just that I HATE driving in Dallas.  I think I've literally done it a total 5 or so times in the past eight years we have lived in the Metroplex.

Every time I have a panic attack in the car and to top it off, this time, I had Elliot with me.  Holy Cow!!!  And I always get lost trying to get home.  How in the heck does that happen????  So, as I'm sure you have surmised, I made it "out" safely and am home enjoying the internet, as usual!

I think this time was a little less chaotic because I had the sat-nav in the truck.  I love that thing.  And it was incredibly accurate in Dallas.  Sometimes in smaller areas it doesn't have all of the latest updates.  It was very easy to follow the directions, although the five million lane switch overs to make your exit weren't as easy!

Of course, lunch was worth it because I got to see my two favorite sisters-in-law, not to mention do a little shopping! (always a plus!)  The food was tasty and I got to have a heart attack due to a car jumping the curb and making me think it was coming straight for us!  Wish I could have had a margarita, but you know the whole drink and drive thing... and the whole responsibility for a minor child thing... LOL!  Maybe next time!

All in all , it was a busy, good day! 

So many things to be grateful for... but here are just five:

• Watching the calves play in the pasture across the road.
  
• Great sisters-in-law!
  
• SAT-NAV!!!!!!
  
• Stores having exactly what you were looking for!!!
  
• Cute little yorkies that love to cuddle next to your head in bed!
  

Guitar Hero = Quality Time????

For some reason it feels like it has been a really long day.  Probably because I spent the day cleaning the shutters in our house... What a pain in the posterior!  They were so dusty though and I have been putting it off for too long!

Emma and I just finished playing Guitar Hero for like two hours... My arms hurt!  Just goes to show how out of shape I am!  My arms have always been weak though.  Anyway, this was a major treat for Emma because we do not allow her to spend long periods of time on the wii, computer, or in front of the T.V.  I guess we have to cut her some slack every once in awhile.

I spent all of my days playing video games or talking on the phone for hours on end.  I haven't turned out to be a bad person, but I could definitely have benefited form parents who were more diligent about me being active and playing outside or participating in sports.

Funny how I parent so opposite of the way my Mom parented me...

Five things I'm grateful for:

• Being able to return something, because you changed your mind about it! (and still having the receipt!)
  
• My husband's patience.
  
• Controlling my hunger, even if it is only for a moment!
  
• Air conditioning.
  
• PSA essentials stamps & stationary.
  

Teeth & Cuddles

I've been feeling kinda blah the past couple of days... I really hate that feeling.  I'm feeling better today though, and I plan on making the most of my productive mood!  Elliot is starting to cut some of her back teeth.  She has been drooling like crazy.  I'd like to say its cute, but its really not! LOL!  She's also been being a big "Momma's girl."  99.9% of the time you will not hear any complaints from me about this, unless I'm trying to use the restroom or cook dinner. (those are two things that are really hard to do while holding your 25 lbs. baby!)  I know I was probably over reacting, but I called the doctor to see if her new behaviors were a result of the teething.  

Our Doctor's office is great and they never make you feel silly for calling with any kind of question.  The nurse told me not to worry, and it was more than likely teething, causing the drooling and the low grade temp.   That made me feel tons better.  I guess I just needed a little reassurance!

Now regarding the new "Momma's girl" attitude she has adopted, the nurse said that babies often want to be cuddled when they are not feeling well.  This I completely understand, but I worry that she will start to want to be held all of the time, something I just don't have time to do all day, every day.  Yet, at the same time, how can you pass up precious cuddles with your sweet baby.  So, I suppose I'll do what I always do in these situations... go with my heart.  And I can already tell you what my heart is going to say... CUDDLES all the way!

Five things I'm grateful for today:

• Cameron having the day off.
  
• The beautiful weather this afternoon, after a chilly morning.
  
• Our nice mail lady.
  
• Elliot enjoying playing in the back with the dogs.
  
• The view from my office window! (I know this makes 6, but I do love that thing!)
  
• My Nespreso machine!!!! 
  

Grateful (five things)

• My husband filling my truck up with gas!
  
• Having one more carton of milk when you were sure you were out!
  
• Roses that stay beautiful for over a week.
  
• My family having a meal together.
  
• WingStop!!!!
  

Five Things (grateful)

• Someone else making a home cooked meal!  Especially breakfast!
  
• Great cuddle time with my girls.
  
• Naps in the middle of the day, when someone else is helping out at home!
  
• Cameron helping me put away the laundry!  YAY!!!
  
• Contacts
  

Grateful (five things)

• Tylenol
  
• Heating pads
  
• Safe Journeys
  
• Chili cheese fries, that taste exactly the way you were craving!
  
• Fast internet service!!!
  

For now... Five things...

• My new friends at MOPS.
  
• Getting a new stroller for Elliot!
  
• Not mowing the grass, so I can see the wild flowers.
  
• Nap time
  
• Allergy Medication!!!!
  

These were yesterday's, but life happened and I never hit publish... funny how that works! 

Even though I didn't publish this until today, it saved it for the 3rd...  It knew what I was trying to do!

Started in 2007 Waited until 2009 to make my first post.... that's just sad...

So here I go... Like I do not have enough stuff to do... But I've been wanting to blog for awhile, for those family and friends that do not MySpace or FaceBook.  Not that I know a lot of people, but hey, maybe I'll collect a following.  I also thought this would be a good place to keep track of the 5 things I'm grateful for everyday.  I've been journaling them, but I think acknowledging them openly; will make me accountable for them and hopefully encourage others to think of the things they are grateful for as well!  Sometimes the things I am grateful for are small, but other times they may be significant... Often, when Emma gets out of school in the afternoon, she'll ask me what I was grateful for that day.  It puts a smile on my face to know that she is interested in my personal ventures!  So my "Gratitude List" has only one rule.  I cannot say my kiddos, because that is too easy!  

Here is my list for today: 

• The beautiful woodpeckers at my bird feeder.
  
• My Nespresso Machine!
  
• My husband's hard work and dedication to our family.
  
• My neighbor Kim.
  
• Our Financial Security during this trying economic time!