Should be....

• Erin
• Understanding
• Clean Sheets
• A cart that goes straight at Wal-Mart
• Babies that sleep late
• My beautiful furniture (especially my new vanity table)
• Someone else cooking dinner
• My life

Today's Gratitude

• Emma's happiness for her braces being off! ~ Children can really show you how precious life is when you stop, for just a moment, and cherish the small things. ;o)
• Cameron's willingness to work through things, even when they are difficult!
• Being able to chat, even if it was only briefly, with Erin in person!
• All of the beautiful animals that live on our property.
• Our wonderful, kind, and helpful neighbors, The Townsends!
• My Mom... She's always (well, most of the time) there when I need her! She's STILL the great lady that all my friends loved back in the day, and all my new friends love just the same!
• This wonderful cool weather! I can finally drink coffee and hot tea all day again!

A Dog's Purpose? (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish
Wolfhound. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy
Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a
miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family
we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the
euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be
good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as
though Shane might learn something from the experience..

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's
family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the
last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a
few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any
difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's
Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter
than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why..''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned
me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the
way I try and live.

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good
life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?''
The Six-year-old continued,''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so
they don't have to stay as long.''

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk..

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle
them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

It don't cost nothin' to be nice.

George "Sparky" Anderson

Struggling

I want to do a gratitude list tonight... but I'm struggling for things to be grateful for... I know I have a million things to show gratitude for, and I know I can list anything, but I really would like to have a meaningful list.

I've been missing my sweet Beverly a lot this week... I've had some things on my mind and I really could use some direction. I KNOW she would steer me in the direction of the right choice, without ever saying a word!

Things I'm grateful for:

• My life
• My husband
• My girls
• Our beautiful land
• Erin

By the rules, the first three things are not supposed to be on the list, but they are my rules and if I feel like breaking them tonight, I can! I need a little light in the darkness tonight...

Not lost.... FOUND!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister-in-law, Sarah's, dog returned today!!!! She wasnt' returned, she found her way home on her own... It was a great day!!!! I am so excited that I do not have to live the rest of my life with losing Sarah's dog on my conscience!!!! She definitely had a rough six days out in the "wild," but I think she will be okay in the long run!!!!

I think I may have been more excited that Chassis came back than Sarah was!!! Sarah even said so!!! Ha!!! I took her to the Vet, got her checked out, and she seems to be okay! The Vet did some standard testing just in case, and gave us some topical and oral antibiotics for her sores. I gave her a bath and got her all ready for Sarah to pick up this evening! Chassis was definitely excited to see Sarah!

All things are right in my world again! Thank goodness!!!

Things I am grateful for:

• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!
• Chassis returning home!!!!!

Sorrow

This was one of the last pictures I took of Chassis before Sarah moved to Dallas...




I really cannot believe that Chassis wandered away from the house... I'm hating myself, for not watching her more closely... And moreover, for breaking my sweet Sarah's heart. What a horrible thing to come back from vacation to discover. The one thing you love most (well, almost most...) is gone.

I keep thinking there has to be more I can do, but I am at a lose. I posted signs, I knocked on doors, I've called the E.R. Vets and left messages with all the Vets in town that have answering machines, as well as the Weatherford Animal Shelter. I've posted lost dog ads with the SPCA, Fidofinder, LostPet, and many others... The FB campaign seems to be going well. I know people are looking at the post. But it just doesn't seem like I've done enough.

I know I'm awake right now, worrying about poor Chassis, and hoping that someone, loving, has her safe in their home, and just hasn't called yet. I can't even imagine how Sarah must feel. She is without the one thing that has been a constant in her life for the past 7 years...

Tomorrow, after I take Emma to school, I am going to call all the Vets and the Shelter again, to see if any of them have her. I also got a recommendation to actually go to the shelter, since the employees at such places are not always the most reliable individuals...

I just really wish this had not happened... as I'm sure Sarah does as well... I can't really imagine life without Chassis... I know someone must have her... I just hope that they bring her home!!!!!!!!!!



Chassis wrapped up in a blanket sleeping, letting me craddle her like a baby...

LOST!!!! & Lost without her... "Chassis"

Our dog wandered away from the house Saturday (9/5/09) afternoon around 1:00 p.m. She is a black and gold Yorkshire terrier that answers to the name "Chassis" or "Roo." She weighs about 8lbs, is spayed, and recently had new tags from Aledo Vet Clinic. She is wearing a pink collar. She is accustomed to being well cared for!!! She is VERY skittish! She probably wouldn't willing come to you. She is our beloved pet, and we miss her greatly!!!! If you have found her, please call as soon as possible!!!!

Link to Craigslist Lost Notice: http://dallas.craigslist.org/ftw/laf/1360601336.html

... I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

Every time I call my sister-in-law Tiffany, "Tiff," I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

Every time I point my finger, I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

When I see Elliot point her little finger... I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

Every time I see any of Beverly's three children "really" cry, I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

We haven't had many fires outside in the beautiful weather because, I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

Yesterday, when I was enjoying the 3 graceful deer by our home, it caused me to I think of my dear sweet Beverly...

Today's List

• Rotisserie Chicken

yep... I guess that just about sums it up for the day...

We were very busy today!

• Friends at the Museum!
• Lunch with said friends, after the Museum, Chick-fil-a was a mad house!
• Emergency trip to FedEx for our friend's next door! had to next day air her DL to her in Las Vegas!!!
• Errands to the Pharmacy and the Dry Cleaners...
• Meet the teacher night. Nice to meet you Mrs. Daulton!
• Shopping at Wal-Mart, for much need groceries! Or so I think of every trip to Wal-Mart!

And so starts tomorrow and the fun we shall have shopping on tax free weekend! YAY!!!

Bad Cartoons and Gratitude!

I need to rant for just a moment here! I was only going to post my gratitude list tonight, but then I remembered that I have been wanting to gripe about something for awhile now!

Some kid's cartoons are so stupid! Not that they don't give a good lesson or whatever, I guess it's just the voices or something. I CANNOT stand Max and Ruby... To me Ruby is just a bossy big sister. There is nothing interesting about the show! And it cannot even keep Elliot's or Emms's attention.

And the other one I CANNOT stand is Ni Hao Kai Lan. That shoe just irritates every nerve in my body! And for this one, I really have no reason... I just find it incredibly annoying!!!

And if Nickelodeon plays that song about bananas by the Fresh Beat Band 0ne more time, I might have to gouge my eyeballs out with spoon!!!!!

Things I'm grateful for:

• being able to use leftover bananas for banana bread!
• Karyn's Mom, for giving me her AWESOME banana bread recipe!
• relaxing at the end of the day
• my own courage! I'm stronger than I give myself credit for!!!
• Omega-3 in Gummy Bear form! Yay!!! I hate fish!!!
• the smell of clean laundry
• this beautiful day that was given to all of us!
• new friends that love me and make me feel wanted!
• old friends that have always loved me and made me feel wanted!

Yay for Photograpy Class!

This is going to be a short one... but after I blogged last night about the photography class I wanted to take, I decided, "no time better than the present." So I surfed on over to our Continuing Ed site and signed up!

So for my friends that get to see all the pictures I post on FB, hopeful, you will soon be seeing some better quality photos coming your way! by October's end I might just have to go pro... NOT!!! But you will be seeing LOADS more pictures of my beautiful girls!!!

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE 'EM!!!!!

Yep I'm still Grateful!

Things I'm grateful for:

• Pei Wei - not because I think it's great... I used to like it because it reminded me of P.F. Changs... But now it's just sub-par... So I'm grateful for Pei Wei reminding me that there is real food out there, and they don't serve it!
• TEXT MESSAGES!!! I'm not sure if I have listed this before, but it should have been on my list LONG ago! I LOVE TEXTING!
• My Neurologist, Dr. Tesfa! He's the only doctor I haven't "dumped" since we moved to the Metroplex! He's great, he really listens, and HE BELIEVES ME!!!!
• Digital Cameras!!! I'm sure most of you know I AM THE "MAMA"RAZZI!!! (I'm pretty sure I coined that word! I should get a trademark or patent or something!) I love taking pictures, and I LOVE taking pictures of my girls!!! I'm thinking about taking some photography classes this fall!
• The 64 acres we share with Cameron's sisters! We are so lucky that we get to live out here and raise our family in such a wonderful place!
• Cameron's sisters for their generosity!
• Sweet Potatoes, which I plan to blog about tomorrow, or soon!!! They aren't just for Thanksgiving!
• Magazines!
• Plastic Surgery... I haven't had any (yet), but I'm grateful for those surgeons who make ugly people prettier every day!

Things I'm Grateful for:

• Kids that can climb trees without breaking their limbs. (knock on wood)
• Elliot's nap time.
• My Mom's delicious cooking! Breakfast was yum!
• Christopher's christening today. May he always be blessed!
• Cameron getting off work early this afternoon.
• My health!
• Good neighbors!

I'm keeping in brief for now... Nothing really on my mind, but I was thinking of a few things that I was grateful, so what time better than the present to get things done!

I have a few things on my To Do list that I haven't even started, but that is okay. I have a plan for dinner, and I have a semi-clean house and kitchen! Can't really complain about that!

I think I've been lost...

****Here's my disclaimer: I spell check half-heartedly, and I don't proofread! So take it our leave it... some times my fingers work faster than my head! ;o)****

I've been feeling a bit under the weather the past few days... for reasons that are rather complicated and I'd rather not go into in great detail... But I was checking out the blogs I like to read and then I started looking back through mine a bit...

It occurred to me that I was doing much better when I was keeping my gratitude journal on my blog! It was keeping me accountable for my own happiness! Not that I am unhappy, but happier is never a BAD thing!!!

I must also note, that I do feel much better today! Of course that could have something to do with feeling some relief since my Mom arrived to help hold down the fort while I get my wellness all "weller'! (cute! I love made up words!)

***aside *** Speaking of made up words... My Friend Lacey commented on my FB the other day, when I said I was feeling like Poop that she hoped I felt less "poop-ish" very soon! That really made my day! Put a big smile on my face! Sometimes it is little things like that, that can really make a difference in someones day! Anyway, I'm Glad I'm not the only word-maker-upper! And thanks to Lacey for the free smile! It was worth a million!!! ;o) ***end aside***

So as I was looking back through my blog, I realized that I had lost accountability for my gratitude and my blog in general. Blogging does something for my soul! I like putting my thought and feelings out there for other to read. I like interacting with people who are going through the same things I am.

And you know what!!!!! SOMETIMES, I might write things that are only of interest to me, but that is okay! Because if they were on my heart either as a burden or a joy, then they were worth sharing! In accordance with my wellness! I need to let it out! Release it into the wild of cyberspace and let my heart feel better! I need to be WELL!!!! WELLER even!!! LOL!!!

So I've decided that if I have a cheesy online something or other that I just want to put out there, then I will!!!! And I am going to put a lot more effort into blogging my gratitude more often! I'm going to start modest and say twice a week, but I really do need to do it every day... I think part of my problem before was that I never want to say the same thing twice, but who cares if I'm grateful for the same thing twice a week! It's mine to be grateful for and if I feel the need to list it twice maybe there is a reason for it!!! You know like at greater power in the universe trying to point something out to me or something...

Here I go then.... Things I am GRATEFUL FOR:

• My Mom being able to come down and help me out with the kiddos this weekend, so I can get a little rest with less guilt!
• My Husband for being such a hard worker, to not only give our family the things that we need but the things that we want as well!
• The wonderful vacation to Destin we just got back from! The beach was PERFECT!!!!
• Emma being such a GREAT big sister and helping me!
• Emma for always being honest with me, and sincerely caring for my health and well being!
• The Blend radio station on Sirius XM!!!!
• My Nespresso Machine and the delicious coffee it provides me with!
• Hazelnut Creamer!!! I use so much I don't even have to add any sweetener!!!
• Finding Great friends and Family on FB!
• My Mom!!!! for just being my Mom! I'm so glad I have her and I love her very much!!!

Okay... so see that wasn't so hard... I didn't even have to think, in order to come up with any... as a matter of fact I probably could go on and on at the moment! Let us all remember that life is GOOD! Each day is a Gift that should be cherished!!

New iPhone & Blue Mesa Grill

We went to pick up my new iPhone on Sunday afternoon at the Apple Store in Fort Worth. So excited about that!!!! Finally, a 32GB iPhone!!!! Now I can have ALL of my music with me at all times! YAY!!!

Speaking of my iPhone, if you do not have one, you do not know what you are missing! It has everything you could ever want / need on it. Calendar (must have for Mommies), text (must have for girls and girly boys! [kidding]), email (must have for everyone), games (must have for those boring "waits"), alarm clock (must have for Mommies! and anyone who forgets when and where they are supposed to be!!), weather (must have for the OCD weather freaks [i.e. ME!]), GPS (maps)[must have for the directionally challenged], notes (great for keeping track of those things people mention throughout the year that they want, so you can remember come Christmas or birthday time!), calculator (who couldn't use a calculator every once in awhile!), camera (Hello, if you have kids you gotta have pics!!!)... It just has everything! (and who doesn't need (or think they need) EVERYTHING!!!! If you need some kind of electronic device while you are away from home, (or like me; in bed and just don't feel like (insert "TOO LAZY" here) getting up to get the laptop!) it is right there in your hand / pocket / purse!!! AWESOMENESS!!! Don't know how I ever lived without it!!!

Aside.... (as in digression).... I really hate giving something a positive review or telling people about things that I really love. It's like free advertising, and if I were some famous, what's her name, I would be getting paid BIG BUCKS to tell people how great I think certain things are... But sometimes when you really love something, you just have to shout it to the world. This is the case with iPhones and Blue Mesa Grill.

So, as I was saying, we went to get my new iPhone, and of course anytime we go to FW we eat out somewhere there. When you have so many great choices and only one short lifetime to consume food in, you have to do what you have to do... (of course, this may explain the current state of my posterior... tear)

Well, there is this restaurant called Blue Mesa Grill in University Park Village, where the Apple store is located. We go to UPV quite often because Pottery Barn and William Sonoma are there, so I've seen Blue Mesa's neon sign a million times, but in the past it has always seemed that we had just eaten Mexican within a few meals prior, we chose to eat at another restaurant, or something... There has just always been a reason why we have not eaten there. But not this time!

I thought about Blue Mesa instantly when we started discussing FW and where to eat; so, it was on the agenda and we were not going off plan for anything! After getting my new phone purchased and all set up, we headed across the shopping center to hopefully enjoy some good Mexican cuisine!

Let me tell you!!!!! Blue Mesa did not disappoint! Apparently, on Sunday they have a brunch buffet in the a.m. and afternoon! We hit the jackpot. What better way to try a new restaurant!?!?!? And the bonus.... wait for it... wait for it... FREE Mimosas! (and other champagne variety cocktails!) ALL YOU CAN DRINK!!!! WOOHOO!!!!! I'm not really a big drinker, and neither is Cameron, but even I can appreciate FREE hooch!!! I had a two mimosas and this yummy watermelon / cantaloupe punch they had on the brunch buffet. Cameron had to go to work, so he missed out... tear!

The food was outstanding too! And we are talking about a buffet here... You know the way things get left on the buffet and are luke warm, sticky, yucky, not as good. Well, if this was there "not as good" food, I can't wait to go back for a regular meal! I'm sure they didn't have all of their menu items out, but they had a really nice selection and it gave me a great concept for what their food is all about!

On the buffet they had, several breakfast items, that are not on their lunch / dinner menu; waffles, "create your own" omelets (made fresh while you wait), a few different Mexican breakfast dishes with things like eggs, potatoes, charizo, onions and peppers in them. Along with your standard Mexican fare, including; enchiladas, rice, beans, fajitas, and tacos. All of which were prepared beautifully and tasted excellent, but specifically the fajita beef was seared to a perfect medium rare, and the corn tortillas of the enchiladas still held their shape and had not become unrecognizable mush! (and did I mention that this was on a buffet, none the less!!!!)

They also had this delicious side dish they called sweet corn. It reminded me of a very moist cornbread with tons of corn kernels in it. It was YUM!!! Plus, they had these little mounds of goodness, called Chicken Adobe Pie, in which the primary ingredients were masa and chicken. This was Emma's favorite dish of the meal, which was surprising to me, because the dish was very unique, and not a standard "American" food flavor, as anyone who has had masa will know.

And let us not forget the SWEETS! As with any good brunch buffet, there must be dessert, and Blues Mesa did not fail us on this account either! There was a lovely selection of cheesecake, chocolate-pecan squares, flan, and pastries. Not to mention the waffles; load one of those babies up with ice cream, strawberry sauce, whipped cream, nuts, and if you really want to go crazy, syrup, and you have a dessert that couldn't even leave the sweetest, sweet tooth unsatisfied!!!

To say the least, we were all very happy with our brunch, and we will definitely be back for the full menu at a later date! I suggest you stop by any time you get a chance if you are near one of the Blue Mesa locations. Below is a link to their website, so you can find the Blue Mesa nearest you!!!!

Blue Mesa Near you!!!!

You can also find their menu and other reviews there at their site!!! (of course, you have my word, so what more do you need!) Oh... and I almost forgot my favorite part! They have sweet potato chips! They were melt in your mouth delicious! Perfectly crisp, and not soggy AT ALL! They were great by themselves, and just as tasty dipped in sauce or guacamole!!!! Seriously, SWEET POTATO CHIPS are the BOMB!!!! ( in my best Randy Jackson impersonation!)

So get your hiney over to Blue Mesa and send your taste buds on that Mexican vacation you have been needing so desperately!!! And if you're in Fort Worth at University Park Village, pop on over to the Apple store and get yourself an iPhone! It will change your life for the better! I promise!!! And you'll feel compelled to drive to Weatherford and kiss my (ALWAYS) perfectly pedicured toes!

Much Love K!!!!!!!

Emma's TAKS Score!!!

Emma scored 40 of 40 correct (100%) on her Reading TAKS test, 40 of 42 correct (95%) on her Math TAKS test, and 28 of 28 correct (100%) on her Writing TAKS test!!!!! Doesn't get much better than that!!! WE ARE SO VERY PROUD of her hard work in Math!!!! GOOD JOB EMMA!!!!

Just Emma & I

So.. I was thinking today that maybe I would take Emma to Europe and we could backpack around for a couple of weeks.  Is ten too young for such an adventure?  I get very nervous when faced with doing things on my own and being the one "in charge" or "responsible" for things / events.

I know that sounds weird considering how many things I am responsible for and how many things I am in charge of... and if I do say so myself, I do things quite well!  But as I said, I get nervous, all the same.  But I really think I am up to this challenge!

I really want Emma to experience life.  To appreciate culture and see the world.  I want for her, I suppose, what I wanted for myself, but was always to afraid to do.  Now I question my intentions... I'm I trying to live vicariously through Emma? hmmmm.... Even if I were, the experience for her would still be beyond amazing!  But I really want her to remember it... cherish it... prize it!!!

It really is amazing how blogging helps me think straight and figure things out.... As I type, I think back to my younger years.  Now I'm remembering that I really started having GOOD memories in about fifth grade, which will be next year for Emma.  I have some good memories from 4th grade, but I think fifth grade is when I really have emotions behind the memories. (does that make sense?)

Next year would probably be a better time to go... then I have time to plan things out.  If we were to go this summer it would really be by the seat of my pants.  Maybe I can even get in touch with my friend Tibor in the Czech Republic and Raymond in The Netherlands, and we could spend a day with each of them....   Definitely Good Times!

Trying to hard???? not so much...

I was worried that when I had Elliot I would not love my two children the same. That I would really have to try to love them equally, or enough, or whatever crazy things I thought... But it is, as so many mother's before me have said; your love just grows and you have more love to give, you don't divide the love.  I love both of my girls so very much, and I want to give each of them the best of me.  

I want to create unique experiences that I can share with each of them, so they know how special they are to my life.  I know that my love will be enough, but I'd really like to go the extra mile!  They are so worth it!

BSH

I always find that it is the little things that remind me of Cameron's Mom from day to day.  Just a moment ago I looked at my tea glass and saw that the teaspoon I am using tonight is one that I "inherited" from Beverly's old silverware. (It's hard to find a good teaspoon now-a-days! And the ones that match my silverware are like $50 a piece now, so... I'll mix-match, thank you very much!)

It's just those little things that remind me of her, and make me miss her and wish she were here.  I know she would enjoy watching Elliot grow up.  Elliot has such a live spirit... She's just so unique, and I know Beverly would just find her fascinating!

And of course one thought leads to another and to another... It's been one year, two months, and 20 days since she died.  And I still cry, and I still wish she were here, and I still just want to talk to her one more time.

The night she died, I whispered in her ear that I was going to be okay, and that is was okay for her to die.  (not that I was giving her, or that she needed, my permission to die)  But we all had this feeling like she was waiting until we could all cope with her death before she finally left us. ...I lied...

I guess I am okay... and I do see the brightness in the days, but that doesn't mean I don't wish that she were here to share the brightness with me.   She almost always had the most optimistic view of life, it was profound.  And most of the time it seemed as though she always knew what to say, or more importantly, when not to say anything at all.

But mostly, when I think about her I think about my wonderful husband, her son.  Who so desperately needs her...  She was his BEST FRIEND!!! Don't misunderstand, Cameron does fine in his day to day.  But Beverly provided something for him that I will never be able to give.  And the funny thing is I couldn't tell you what it was (givr it a name), but I guess it was just that she was him Mom and you just need your Mom.  

I suppose I will not fully understand until I do not have a Mom to call whenever I want / need. The thought of that day terrifies me.  Hopefully, I still have many more years with my Mom, but I really could use just one more conversation with my other Mom. 

There was this one day after Beverly & I had had a full day of running around, working, chemo, going to get pain meds, and just all of the things that entail taking care of yourself, your children, and your loved ones... We had finally gotten home and we were settling down for the night.  I had come over to the "big house," and I was just talking to Beverly.

It was getting late, so I told her I was going to go back over to the barn because I could ramble on and on for hours... And the best thing I remember her saying to me... She said, "We could have a hundred lifetimes to talk to each other and you would never run out of things to talk about."  We both laughed and cried.  I hugged her and told her I loved her.

I still love her.  I still miss her. I wonder if I always will... I wonder if she is thinking of me...

Jon & Kate

I am so saddened by last night's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8.  It seems so apparent to me that Jon was just done... and that Kate was heartbroken.  Even when people behave poorly, that doesn't mean they aren't hurt when things go south.

Kate isn't perfect... Everyone seems to be attacking her... How far is that?  I know I'm not always proud of the way I behave towards my husband. (there are not any cameras following me around, editing me to show all my worst attributes) But Cameron and I talk about it and work through it... and sometimes, I do the EXACT same thing again.  and I have to be reminded that my poor behavior is not appreciated and does not demonstrate the respect I truly have for him.

I know that if I were approached with the opportunity to have someone pay me $75,000 or more and episode to come in and film my life, and there were freebies on top of that, I would jump on it in a heartbeat!  Giving my children an even better life than I can give them now!  How awesome would have be!?!?!?!!!

I would love to take my kids to Hawaii, Disney World, California, and wherever else JK8 have been, but I can't.  We don't have the money to take extravagant vacations (or any vacation for that matter) with one salary.  And having one salary is a choice Cameron and I made together because we want our children to have the best life we can give them, and we feel that being raised by a parent at home is one way to provide that for them.

And if I could make my girl's lives better by letting cameras see me at my worst! (God forbid, I'd have no friends...) I'd do it.  Because I know that I'm not the only wife out there who has "moments" and "failures." 

There's not a manual for life, marriage, or raising children... and if there were, I probably wouldn't agree or abide by it anyway... no two families are alike.  ANd what works for one may not work for the next.  And JK8 are any even more special, rare case than the standard family of four.  I know they have a lot of fans, but it breaks my heart to read so many people saying so many hateful things about Kate.  They don't even know her.... and neither do I, but I know she has admitted that she is not perfect, and I know I am not prefect, and I know that YOU are NOT prefect...  And let us not forget that we are not the ones to judge in the first place.

If you don't like Kate or the show, then don't watch... It's that simple!  It's like you want to feed your soul with anger by watching a show that aggravates you... It makes no sense at all!  STOP WATCHING if you don't like what you are seeing.

aaarrrrgggg..... I just don't even know.... I'm so mad and upset... Cameron thinks I am being stupid about all of this, and that it is just a TV show and that they are not "real."  We even got into a fight about it last night... how pathetic is that!  But they are REAL!!! 

They are as real as what is edited for us to see. That is really their house.   Those are really their dogs.  Those are really their kids.  That is really their Big Blue Van.  Kate was really filling piñatas for the sextuplet's party.  The kiddos were really having lunch and watching TV...  All of those things are REAL!  

AND most importantly Jon and Kate are REALLY going through something very difficult.  Kate's tears were real.  and so what that she said she didn't want to ruin her make-up... I can only imagine how many tears she has cried... she's probably tired of crying and ruining her make-up... She obviously does not care about make-up they were filming an entire scene where she had NONE on at all...

Jon seemed so COMPLETELY indifferent to everything...  Like he didn't give two cares about what he has been accused of.... I did not feel any sincerety from him at all... and the part were Kate said "[she] was here," and then he said, "I'm here for my kids..."  I wanted to...well I probably shouldn't say mean things like that on my blog.... but I was not happy, to say the least. 

And here it is 17 hours after the show aired last night and I am still feeling the emotions it caused...  I need to move on to something else.. I'm sure I could ramble on about this forever....

Please help them work this out.  Please let Jon GROW UP and become a MATURE and RESPONSIBLE **MAN** for his wife and his children.  Because he was right about one thing last night... his kids ARE going to google him one day, and they will find out... and they will NEVER believe a word he says again.  ACTIONS speak clearly... and he has plenty of ACTIONS speaking for him!

~MORE POSITIVE NOTE~

Things I am grateful for today:

• my blood not being too thin!
  
• Elliot sleeping late this morning!
  
• Elliot's Nap time, (so I could blog)
  
• My husband's love and support in my life's journey. (it is always taking us down an unknown road)
  
• Emma's good grades at school and her loving nature towards all things / beings on the Earth.
  
• Luka's new haircut!  She's so soft right after she's groomed!
  
• This beautiful day that has been given to us to enjoy.
  
• NAPS!!!!!
  

Life is Good!

I haven't been posting a lot lately... don't really know why.  But I'm guessing it is because I have been feeling so good!  Life has been good!  I really feel so very blessed!  I know I've said this before and I think I will say it as often as I want to, because there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that life is good for me, and being grateful for it.

I always feel a little like I am bragging, but I realized today that I'm not bragging, I'm acknowledging... and to me this acknowledgement is my way of saying, "Thank You!"  It is me being so VERY grateful for the MANY blessings I have in my life.  I never in a million years would have imagined how wonderful and perfect my life would be!  I really am a lucky lady!

I think sometimes people forget to count their blessings, even the little ones.  I have so many little ones, and... Well... I was going to say that I have more big blessings than I deserve... but I think I'm going to change that thought... I deserve every blessing I have received in my life!  Just as anyone else who has blessings deserves them!!!

So, today I am thankful for my blessings and I would encourage others to be thankful for their blessings as well!