BSH

I love (not loved) love my mother-in-law more than just about anything in the world... As much as I love my own mother for sure! She was just the most amazing woman in the entire world. She is now wherever it was that she thought she was going to go when she died. Something like heaven, I believe, but a very loose interpretation that, which included reincarnation for those who did not learn all of life's lessons the first, second, third, or twentieth "life" around... LOL! I miss her more than I could ever tell you in words. She was my rock. She understood me even if she didn't understand, and she made me feel good about myself even if she thought I was not making the best choice. She was just one of those people that.... man... they just don't make them better than her. I love her, and I miss her, and I miss her, and I miss her... I MISS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been thinking about her a lot of the past few days. She was so very important to my life. She has been gone from us for over a year now, and it still hurts just as much as the moment I kissed her cold face goodbye for the last time. I always thought that people who built shrines to the dead were kinda silly, but now I completely understand. I never want to forget her. I never want her influence to stop guiding me. I want a place where I can go and remember her, and talk to her. really I just want her back. Something that I know I cannot have.

I watch Elliot in the morning sometimes and I think to myself, "Man, Mom really would enjoy this sweet little baby." And it breaks my heart that she is not here to share Elliot's life with us. I try to stay positive and be grateful for the little bit of time she did get to spend with Elliot. I know she cherished every moment. When her cancer started to make her weak and she no longer felt comfortable holding Elliot, I would go sit on the edge of the bed with the baby and sit her close to Beverly. She'd play with her little feet. It was about all she could do through the pain. So sad....

I could sit here all night and mope about not having her here with me, but that really wouldn't do a lot of good. I thought to right this blog because I was thinking of all the things I was grateful for that had to do with Beverly, so off I'll go:

• Beverly's unconditional love.
  
• Her acceptance of me no matter what my choices were
  
• Her beautiful warm smile.
  
• the fact that she rarely wore her hair in a ponytail.
  
• her work ethic
  
• always putting her children first, no matter what the cost
  
• Her love and complete acceptance of Emma as her own grandchild from the very moment Cameron and I met.
  
• Her love for Goodwill books
  
• Her willingness to help out in any situation
  
• Her ability to always tell me the truth, even if I didn't want to hear it, and finding just the right way to say it.
  
• the way she was always sitting in the exact same spot when we would drive up to visit when she lived at 909. Feet propped up on th coffee table, and reading a book. I can see it so clearly now....
  
• her love for me
  
• her compassion
  
• her sense of duty
  
• her loyalty
  
• her infectious, positive personality

And just for good measure, I'll mention that beautiful smile one more time! I hold it locked in my memory and near to my heart! I miss her so................

She was truly a blessing to this earth and I will continue to live glorifying her memory for all of my days!!!!!